Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
