The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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