In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
