he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
