Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
