His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
