I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize