it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and she was petting her beer can
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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