he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
