I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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