I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
