remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
