Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
