yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
