i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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