I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
