The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
