Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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