The maid of honor just puked.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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