WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i love accidental penises.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
