Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
