I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Randomize
