Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
my poor anus
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
