He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're like the curious george of whores
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
