Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
