You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize