Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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