I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
