Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
