Screwed.edu
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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