I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
