You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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