...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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