well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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