idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
