Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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