My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there's paper in my vomit.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
