As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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