Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So squirting runs in the family.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize