sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
