Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
where are you?
Hypothermia
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize