oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
