Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I need to stop coming to work sober
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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