I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
People with herpes should wear stickers.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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