I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was like eating out sand paper
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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