Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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