Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
