At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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