Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
