plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
