There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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