No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize