All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The adults are the big ones right?
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