I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
