You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
