you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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