Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
