The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
