just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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