tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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