Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
