You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
