she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We need to rekindle our bromance
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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