look no pants
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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