You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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