i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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