He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
