apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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