I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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